Vulnerable

Seventeen.
I almost feel  embarrassed to say it. Maybe it's because I still feel fourteen. Or maybe because I have so many friends that are older than me, that I turn a little red in the face when I admit I've only just turned seventeen. Because I know the next thing they will do is grin and say, "Wow. Don't I feel old."


Seventeen seems like a strange age. I never really pictured myself making it this far...haha. Why is it seventeen sounds so old to me, and yet I feel so childish? It's kind of scary. Fourteen, you're still a kid. Fifteen is kind of that awkward transition between kid and teenager. Sixteen is that stupid age when everyone expects you to make mistakes, like crashing a car or falling in love. But seventeen? Seventeen feels like that age when you're finally being put in adult situations, and expected to respond like an adult. What if I can't do it? What if I mess up. I know I will, and I know I should learn from my mistakes. I hear that. But somehow, there isn't much comfort in, "You're doomed to fail."

Oh, so vulnerable. These are critical years. The years where you learn how the world actually works. When you have to learn how to be a friend. How to be a friend with girls, and with guys. Haha, oh boy. Do I even want to hit on the topic of being a girl of 17, and having guy friends? Nah. A subject for another time.


Anyway. That's a lot of rambling. I guess the point I'm just trying to make is that I feel like this is such a vulnerable year. Being so young and stupid, anything can make its way into my brain and heart, good things and bad. Boys, insecurities, lies, dreams, plans... It will be easy for the Devil to make his way into my life, but it will also be easy for Jesus to, if I let Him. So what am I going to do? How am I going to spend this ( as odd as it is to say it ) last year of high school, to shape the rest of my life? Who I am in high school will not be who I am in ten years. But it can have a lot of affect on it.

So let's go get 'em, seniors. (: