Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Comfort & Running
We all have comfort zones. Some of us are totally cool with striking up a conversation with a stranger in line at Wal-Mart. For others it takes a lot of courage to even make eye contact. And for some, it takes courage to even shop at Wal-Mart. [that was supposed to be funny.]
For me personally, I know when I am being pushed out of my comfort zone. I actually have a specific butterfly/sinking feeling that comes around only when I know I'm supposed to do something that I don't particularly want to do. Maybe it's asking the Arby's employee to smile, and then ringing the "ring if you had excellent service" bell ridiculously loud. Maybe it's asking a hitchhiker we picked up in West Virginia if I can pray for her. Or maybe it's deciding not to come home from Argentina for my winter break, meaning I will be staying in that hemisphere for 10 months straight. Not to be specific.
Maybe this is what the Holy Spirit's leading feels like; I can't honestly say I know for sure. But when I get an idea in my head that something's going to be good for me, and maybe for someone else too, there is no decision that needs to be made after that, except whether or not I'm going to man up and face this growth opportunity.
This leads me to my second point. I run away. In a creative writing course I took this spring, we had to do six word memoir. I wrote for mine, "Wanting to leave, learning to stay." It's true. How often do I think to myself, "If I can just make it through this period of time, then it will all be over and I can move on with my life." How Christ-like of an attitude is that? I have a good guess Jesus was never like, "If I can just make it through this whipping and that nailing/dying, then everyone will be saved. So let's get it over with." I've had this attitude with many things though. A previous job. High school. Sometimes even relationships. Currently I am feeling this way towards going to Argentina.
I have things I need to work out before I go. Things I need to learn. How to be responsible is a huge one that my parents have been drilling into my brain, and this brain doesn't quite seem to grasp it. ["It's this brain of mine...it's got a mind of its own."] So often I find myself thinking "Once I go to Argentina I won't have to worry about whether or not I get my one chore done every day." Obviously there are some serious flaws and imperfections to that way of thinking, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something I struggled with.
However, the biggest one is relationships. There are relationships that I need to restore, reconsider, and reinforce.
-I need to learn to communicate. "Once I go to Argentina I won't have to worry about communicating clearly with these people." If I have an issue with you, but I'm not around you in person for a while, I'll bottle it up. I'll get offended but never tell you [except through passive-aggressive picture posts on Facebook.], rather than making the effort to phone you up, get together with you, and say, "Hey, this is how this situation made me feel; let's work it out."
-I need to learn to apologize. "I can't wait to go to Argentina so I can avoid all these frustrations I have with myself and these people." This is a big one. What I'm realizing is that sometimes you may have to apologize to someone for offenses you've done against them even when they may have been oblivious to it. Like, "I'm sorry for envying your mad photography skills, and thus disliking you from a distance." or "I'm sorry that I secretly was head-over-heels for you for 3 months, and probably hindered our friendship because of it." These aren't fun things to admit to, because not only does it mean you have to humble yourself to apologize, but you have to bring the problem to their attention in the first place. It's awkward. and unCOMFORTable. But if you can both get passed the awkwardness, the honestly and humility will make the relationship stronger than ever.
-I need to learn contentment. "Once I get to Argentina there won't be any people with skills or characteristics that I'm jealous of. And I DEFINITELY won't be jealous of a good friend hanging out with other people. Nothing like that ever happens in South America." ...yeah. okay. So maybe those aren't my exact thoughts, but it ends up being like it. I seriously have so many jealousy issues. I get so down when I see how amazing other people are at ______ [photography, caring, singing, wit, humility, etc.]. My response to this either ends up being: putting them down in my head, or putting me down in my head. Neither of which are good options. "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." But how do you start thinking of yourself less, because when you try to think of yourself less than you're still ending up thinking about yourself? This one's a toughy.
The second is jealousy of friendships. If I seem really clingy to you: 1) I'm sorry 2) It's because I think you're awesome. I have those friends where I'm like, "Oh my goodness you're just so cool," but then it gets to be this really stalker-clingy "OHMYGOODNESS someone else just posted on their Facebook wall! They must not like me as much!" yeah. I have issues.
And of course, going to Argentina will fix them all.
Running away is easy. The trouble is, we just run into more problems. I believe God gives us uncomfortable situations now to prepare us for harder situations later. If I avoid the 2+2=4 problem now, how am I going to handle −3(4x + 3) + 4(6x + 1) = 43 down the road?
Comfort is easy. If a seed wanted to stay a seed, it would never brave pushing out of the ground. But if you push yourself to blossom, the affects it has on you and the world around you will be life changing.
If you made it through this post, I commend you. Either you really care about me, or you're really bored. But I hope any of the shortcomings and flaws that I have shared have pushed you to think and desire to grow.
For me personally, I know when I am being pushed out of my comfort zone. I actually have a specific butterfly/sinking feeling that comes around only when I know I'm supposed to do something that I don't particularly want to do. Maybe it's asking the Arby's employee to smile, and then ringing the "ring if you had excellent service" bell ridiculously loud. Maybe it's asking a hitchhiker we picked up in West Virginia if I can pray for her. Or maybe it's deciding not to come home from Argentina for my winter break, meaning I will be staying in that hemisphere for 10 months straight. Not to be specific.
Maybe this is what the Holy Spirit's leading feels like; I can't honestly say I know for sure. But when I get an idea in my head that something's going to be good for me, and maybe for someone else too, there is no decision that needs to be made after that, except whether or not I'm going to man up and face this growth opportunity.
This leads me to my second point. I run away. In a creative writing course I took this spring, we had to do six word memoir. I wrote for mine, "Wanting to leave, learning to stay." It's true. How often do I think to myself, "If I can just make it through this period of time, then it will all be over and I can move on with my life." How Christ-like of an attitude is that? I have a good guess Jesus was never like, "If I can just make it through this whipping and that nailing/dying, then everyone will be saved. So let's get it over with." I've had this attitude with many things though. A previous job. High school. Sometimes even relationships. Currently I am feeling this way towards going to Argentina.
I have things I need to work out before I go. Things I need to learn. How to be responsible is a huge one that my parents have been drilling into my brain, and this brain doesn't quite seem to grasp it. ["It's this brain of mine...it's got a mind of its own."] So often I find myself thinking "Once I go to Argentina I won't have to worry about whether or not I get my one chore done every day." Obviously there are some serious flaws and imperfections to that way of thinking, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something I struggled with.
However, the biggest one is relationships. There are relationships that I need to restore, reconsider, and reinforce.
-I need to learn to communicate. "Once I go to Argentina I won't have to worry about communicating clearly with these people." If I have an issue with you, but I'm not around you in person for a while, I'll bottle it up. I'll get offended but never tell you [except through passive-aggressive picture posts on Facebook.], rather than making the effort to phone you up, get together with you, and say, "Hey, this is how this situation made me feel; let's work it out."
-I need to learn to apologize. "I can't wait to go to Argentina so I can avoid all these frustrations I have with myself and these people." This is a big one. What I'm realizing is that sometimes you may have to apologize to someone for offenses you've done against them even when they may have been oblivious to it. Like, "I'm sorry for envying your mad photography skills, and thus disliking you from a distance." or "I'm sorry that I secretly was head-over-heels for you for 3 months, and probably hindered our friendship because of it." These aren't fun things to admit to, because not only does it mean you have to humble yourself to apologize, but you have to bring the problem to their attention in the first place. It's awkward. and unCOMFORTable. But if you can both get passed the awkwardness, the honestly and humility will make the relationship stronger than ever.
-I need to learn contentment. "Once I get to Argentina there won't be any people with skills or characteristics that I'm jealous of. And I DEFINITELY won't be jealous of a good friend hanging out with other people. Nothing like that ever happens in South America." ...yeah. okay. So maybe those aren't my exact thoughts, but it ends up being like it. I seriously have so many jealousy issues. I get so down when I see how amazing other people are at ______ [photography, caring, singing, wit, humility, etc.]. My response to this either ends up being: putting them down in my head, or putting me down in my head. Neither of which are good options. "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." But how do you start thinking of yourself less, because when you try to think of yourself less than you're still ending up thinking about yourself? This one's a toughy.
The second is jealousy of friendships. If I seem really clingy to you: 1) I'm sorry 2) It's because I think you're awesome. I have those friends where I'm like, "Oh my goodness you're just so cool," but then it gets to be this really stalker-clingy "OHMYGOODNESS someone else just posted on their Facebook wall! They must not like me as much!" yeah. I have issues.
And of course, going to Argentina will fix them all.
Running away is easy. The trouble is, we just run into more problems. I believe God gives us uncomfortable situations now to prepare us for harder situations later. If I avoid the 2+2=4 problem now, how am I going to handle −3(4x + 3) + 4(6x + 1) = 43 down the road?
Comfort is easy. If a seed wanted to stay a seed, it would never brave pushing out of the ground. But if you push yourself to blossom, the affects it has on you and the world around you will be life changing.
If you made it through this post, I commend you. Either you really care about me, or you're really bored. But I hope any of the shortcomings and flaws that I have shared have pushed you to think and desire to grow.
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